Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Eavesdropping: Greatest Hits Volume 1

Well hello there.

So remember how I told you eavesdropping was my new guilty pleasure?  Y'all I've been keeping an ear out for you guys and have returned victorious.  Gird your loins, kids.  It's not going to be pretty.
  • Judgmental bearded yuppie in the grocery store:  "I saw these homeless people making out on King Street and I was like 'Gross!  Go get a box!'"
  • Dude at the bus stop who had not showered in weeks: "Matthew.  Maaaaaaaaatthew.  If you drank that stuff in a lava lamp would your belly glow?"
  • Redheaded career woman on the sidewalk:  "Did you ever have one of those dreams when you dream you're on the lake with Morgan Freeman and your canoe springs a leak and you wake up and you've peed yourself?"
BONUS:  "Can you imagine what sexting would be like in Morse Code?  It'd be like beep beep beeeeeeeeep beebeeeep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep." (OK, technically, this quote came from a conversation I had and wasn't "overheard".  The person who said it is a bona fide turd but I still thought it was hilarious and worth mentioning). :)

You know what the scary part of all this is?  Every single one of these people probably plans to reproduce at some point.  Heaven help us all.


No comments:

Post a Comment