Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Words of Wisdom from Father McHappypants

What's happenin', kids?

How was your Thanksgiving? I hope it was as awesome as mine...the turkey I roasted turned out perfectly and Kanye West did not show up to take credit for it or to say that Beyonce's turkey was better. It was a delightful holiday. :)

During the holiday weekend, I spent time with my awesome dad and his family. He was in his element this weekend, joking around with my cousins and picking on my uncles. Listening to their conversations reminded me of some of my favorite things I've heard Dad say, which I've jotted down to share with you.

A while back, when Taylor Swift was rumored to be going out with Tim Tebow, my dad asked me out of the blue, "Why didn't you tell me Taylor Swift went out with Tim Tebow?! How did it go? Does he like her? Are they going out again?" I just sat there in stunned silence and wondered if Dad had somehow been involved in a "Freaky-Friday" type of mix-up where he switched bodies with Ryan Seacrest.

I once made the mistake of asking Dad his opinion about an outfit I planned to wear to a job interview. To my surprise, he said, "That skirt doesn't go with that shirt. I can say that now because your mother made me watch 'What Not to Wear.'" I think I liked it better when he stuck with watching the Weather Channel.

Last summer, I was out of town during the week of July 4th and called my parents. Mom answered the phone, and midway through the conversation, I heard the loudest, longest belch known to mankind. Mom paused a minute, gathered her patience (though I could tell she was about to laugh), and said, "Jim, that was disgusting. That was like 'bombs bursting in air'." In the background, I could hear Dad say, "Well dear, would you like some 'rockets red glare?'"

I laughed till I cried. :)


Thursday, November 8, 2012

Murphy's Law, Indeed.

Hey pals!

I have the weirdest life. Don't get me wrong, I had a killer day. But I sat down and started thinking again about how many offbeat things happen to me, and only me! We've talked about this concept before, and how I seem to be Murphy's Law in human form. Here's further evidence.

  • It's our busy season at work, I've got tons of assignments at school due because I'm preparing to graduate college, and my wisdom teeth have decided that this is a great time to come in. My professor asked me if I was feeling OK the other day, and I had to explain that I have a headache because I am TEETHING. In college.
  • Still need convincing that I am Murphy's Law in human form? Almost every man who hits on me seems to possess excessive quantities of nose hair. Lovely.
  • Finally, my Pandora account seems to be rigged for disaster. I had my CCR station playing at work and I'd had a great day listening to classic rock. My boss comes over to my desk to talk to me, and don't you know that blasted Pandora played Eric Clapton's "Cocaine", Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On", and "Sexual Healing" back to back. Seriously, it behaved ALL DAY until my manager walked over. I guess next time I'll have to put the "Gregorian Chant" channel on, just to be safe. :)