Whenever someone hears that I dabble in standup comedy, they usually ask me if I have a writer or if I make up my own material. I always respond by telling them that my life gives me such crazy circumstances to work with that I've never needed to import material.
For instance, there was the time I almost got hit by a truck hauling porta-johns. We can all agree that would have been crappy.
Then there was that visit to Walmart when my cashier rung up my purchase, handed me the bags and announced, "Thanks, babe! Enjoy your toilet brush and peanut butter!" Worst of all? I absent-mindedly replied, "You too."
Apparently, I'm even sleep-texting now. I woke up one morning a few weeks ago and found that I was in the process of sending a message that said "I am grateful for suspenders because they hold old men's pants up." The whole sleep-texting thing is kind of weird, but you have to admit that Subconscious Laine has a point. God bless suspenders.
Even as weird as my life is, I wouldn't change anything about it (except to give myself Bill Gates' financial prowess. I mean, I could use a little help with these student loans). All in all, I'm a very blessed kid. :)