Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Life and Times of Laine's Afro

Happy Halloween, homies!

I'm currently wearing this year's costume, "Responsible Student Who Sits on Her Couch Doing Homework While Wearing an Afro Wig."  I've had some good times in this wig, which I'm about to share with you now.

The first time I brought this baby out was for a costume I decided to wear to work.  I put on a flowing Greek dress, strapped on some pretty sandals, and added the afro...which made me "Afrodite." Heh. I know it was cheesy, but you better believe I enjoyed every minute of it.  And I actually made tips that day, even though I was just a cashier.  Hmm...maybe that neckline was a little lower than I intended...

The next year, I put on some workout clothes, added the afro, and stuffed a cushie pillow down the back of my pants (don't judge me!) for an extremely plump derriere.  Yep...I spent Halloween 2010 as a girl from Sir Mix a Lot's "Baby Got Back" video and NO, I won't show you a picture. :)


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Why I'm Not a Songwriter

What up, homies?

It's been a crazy semester thus far, and lately I've been busy putting my portfolio together.  While digging through some old files and documents, I came across a song I wrote a few years ago as a reaction to a really bad date I'd just been on. Seriously, this was like the Kanye West of dates.  Anyway, that was so long ago that I can't even remember the guy's name anymore, but his legacy lives on through the musical gem that is my masterpiece, "Fart in a Car".  Enjoy, and you're welcome. ;)


Fart in a Car
by J. Laine Isaacs
Written at 1:55 a.m. on April 21, 2010

I knew you were a loser,
You weren't my perfect mate.
My friends asked why I went with you
Told them you were a "pity date".
We'd been out just a time or two
When you started to show your butt.
You took me out for mini golf
But I left before your first putt.

I smelled you like a fart in a car,
Like a fart in a car, like a fart in a car.
I smelled you like a fart in a car
So you never got the chance to break my heart.

Now we're all through, I don't need no more,
You've had your final chance.
I'd rather get a spinal tap,
Or date a guy from France.
I told my daddy we were through,
I done did our love in.
He said, "Honey, that makes sense,

Because you have more balls than him."