Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Silly Laine.

Hiya buddies!

One of my favorite quotes is "Blessed are those who laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."  I've jotted down some of the silliest things I ever did in hopes of amusing not only myself, but you also.
  1. Volunteering to do an Interpretive Dance at a Bible Study
    Sadly, those folks did not share my sense of humor.  I like to think it was their loss. :)
  2. Yelling Awkward Things at Work
    Note to self: If you shout "I need some change in my drawers!" no one will realize you are talking about cash registers.
  3. Pepper-Spraying Myself on the Way to Church
    Yep, it was an accident.  No, I didn't show up at church that day.  Also, people need to stop suggesting that I get a concealed carry permit.  If I owned a gun, I would have no toes.
Based on the above evidence, I have a feeling I'll keep myself amused for quite a while. :)

Monday, June 11, 2012

Confession Time

Hi friends!
I recently had a discussion with coworkers about embarrassing moments and such.  In the spirit of making them feel better, I told them I would compile some of my deepest, darkest confessions and secrets...and publish them on the world wide web.  You're welcome.
  1. When drivers take up two parking spaces, I want to shoot them dead.  And then bring them back to life, make them watch a 24-hour reel of the Nancy Grace show and shoot them deader.
  2. Every time I parallel-park correctly on the first try, I do a little dance or high-five myself.  Sometimes both.
  3. I have used a beer bottle as a microphone.
  4. The first time someone ever asked me out, a booger flew out my nose and landed on my face.  He didn't ask me again.
There you have it, folks.  Now, perhaps, you understand why I've had to develop an immunity to embarrassment. :)


Wednesday, June 6, 2012

And Now I Give to You...The Lizard Story

Hi guys!

There have been many requests and/or demands for my legendary lizard story.  At long last, here it is.  Gird your loins, fairy-tale ending here. :)  (Hold on, the Barnes & Noble clerk is talking to me.  Maybe he has chocolate....Ok, I'm back.  No chocolate, just an ego the size of Texas).

Sorry, back to the story.  It was March of 2007 and I was in Kiln, Mississippi, helping out with relief efforts after Hurricane Katrina.  My job that day was to mark studs before the guys installed sheetrock.  As I was sitting on the floor, innocently doing my job, I looked over and noticed a small lizard, about the size of a gecko, skittering around on the floor.  He must have been a curious little guy because before I could say "Is that the gecko from the GEICO commercials?!" the lizard had jumped down the back of my pants.  Yep.  For a full 2.6 seconds, my khakis were home to a salamander.

Needless to say, I wasted no time in flailing around and digging through my trousers to find and destroy the invader.  I finally found him and tossed him on the ground, where he landed and skittered away.  I daresay my coworkers thought I was either a charismatic or demon-possessed.  One of them just patted me on the back and said, "Have some sympathy for the poor little thing.  He's just addicted to crack."

I hate to admit it, but 5 years later, that still makes me laugh. :)