Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Things I Learned on Road Trips

What's up, guys?

I spent the last two weekends on the road, which was...miserable. The first trip was 9 hours one way, and the second trip ended up being 6 hours one way. After discovering that my audiobook of "Till We Have Faces" by C.S. Lewis did not work, I ended up having a lot of quality time with myself. Here, for your enjoyment, is what I learned. :)
  • I am a bad beat-boxer (Beat-boxist? Oral percussionist? Whatever.).
  • 400% of the music on Top 40 radio stations is pure crap.
  • A banjo cover of "Call Me Maybe" is as annoying as you think it would be.
  • There is a store called "The Purgatory Emporium" in Virginia. I could not have made that up if I tried.
  • Every radio station in Virginia plays nothing but saxophone music from dawn til dusk. As you know, the saxophone is the armpit of the musical world, so yeah, I kept the radio off.
  • You can get truckers, construction workers, and other impertinent gentlemen to stop staring at you if you pretend to pick your nose.
So there you have it: do not road-trip through Virginia unless you absolutely have to. 


Thursday, August 22, 2013

Things I Should NOT Admit on the Internet

Hey guys!

Recently, my blog has acquired several new followers, which is fantastic! I thought it might be nice to tell a little more about myself so you guys can get to know me better. Below are some things that I probably shouldn't admit about myself...but I'm going to. :)
  • I'm great at imitating Elton John. And Billy Joel. Basically, I do good impressions of short fat men at pianos.
  • I call my puppy "Ding Dong" so often she answers to it.
  • Play-Doh is essentially a hobby of mine.
  • My family agrees that I am a hybrid of Mary Poppins and Dolly Parton.
  • My idea of a perfect man would be some kind of cross between Rocky Balboa and Donkey from "Shrek".
You guys are awesome! Thanks so much for reading, and be sure and let me know if there's something you'd like me to write about. :)


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Why I'm Not in a Band

What's up, homies?

I have many friends who are musically gifted. However, I am not. I refuse to sing in public...no, really, it's a public service. You don't want to hear me sing! I also took several years of piano lessons to no avail. Essentially, I am the least musically talented person in the world, so I suppose it's a good thing I'm funny and curvy. :) 

Anyway, when my friend and I were in high school, we used to joke about being in a band together. Neither of us could play an instrument, but I think we just liked the idea of having groupies. I came up with some hypothetical band names, and they are listed below (for the record, I chose adjectives that sounded funny, not adjectives that aptly described us).

  • Armed and Caffeinated
  • Honking at Mexicans
  • Fat and Disconcerting
  • Drawerful of Panties
  • Bubba and the Fandangos (not sure who Bubba was supposed to be in this scenario...)

We later settled on "The Tater Hill Harlots". I guess it really is a good thing we grew up and went to college instead of pursuing bandhood. :)


Sunday, April 7, 2013

Only in Boone...

Hi guys!

Anyone who has met me knows that I love my hometown, every single thing about it (OK, everything but the bipolar weather pattern). One of my favorite things about Boone is that we are practically the people-watching capital of the world. Below are some of my favorite sights:
  • The driver with the "Practice Random Acts of Kindness" bumper sticker who flipped me off in traffic
  • The "Bowhunters for Jesus" t-shirt I saw in Walmart
  • The baby car seat with an NRA sticker on it
  • The teenage girl with not one, but TWO Skoal rings on the back pocket of her denim skirt
Yep, Boone is one classy place. But, I still love that I get to call it home. :)


Sunday, January 27, 2013

Unsung Blessings

Hi Buddies!

Thanks for being patient with me as I adjust to working full-time and all the other little changes life has brought me! I've spent some time thinking about all the blessings I have and how many of them I take for granted. Really, there are so many things we don't even remember to be thankful for. I've listed some of them below for your consideration. :)

  1. Yoga
    Without it, we would have fat hippies, and I can't imagine that would be good for anybody.
  2. Suspenders
    They hold old men's pants up. I'd say that's rather vital.
  3. People Who don't Ask Stupid Questions
    Their use of common sense keeps me from tasering the folks who lack it.
  4. The WalMart Panty Section
    Because, really, would you want to share the Victoria's Secret shopping experience with the likes of Honey Boo Boo's family?