Dear Egomaniac at the San Antonio Airport,
I wish to enlighten you on matter of great importance. You need to know that it is vastly inappropriate to make comments on the appearance of a TSA agent, stewardess, passenger or anyone else in the airport who might have a uterus. This is creepy and makes everyone around you want to taser you, wait a few minutes and then taser you again. You are quite old enough to know better and I imagine that your tendency to behave so rudely is probably why every X-chromosome within a 50-yard radius is giving you the death stare.
PS: That toupee isn’t fooling anyone.