Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Please read the below requests and adhere to them. Should you do so, I will be sure to give you a nice parking spot once I run the world.
- I can guarantee you that no waitress, cashier or flight attendant wants to be called "Sugar Lips". Don't use that term on anyone but your wife. And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't care for it either.
- If you are asking the person next to you to be your "detonated driver", put the beer down. You've had quite enough.
- Lastly, please do not practice random acts of flatulence while walking in front of me (or anyone else) in the grocery store.